Grief is a response that occurs due to the loss of important relationships. At some point in our lives, providing we live long enough, we will all experience a level of grief. Grief can be particularly intense and prolonged if the lost one was an emotional partner, child, or parent that you were particularly close to.
Grief can also be a response, although to a lesser degree, to the loss of therapists, teachers or other mentor-type figures. Intense grief is also less common among those who lose family members from different households, friends, or co-workers. Still possible of course, but less common.
There are two classes of relationships that trigger grief. Primary relationships, and secondary relationships. Primary relationships are those which with you have a deep emotional attachment – your spouse, your children, and family members you reside with. Secondary relationships are your emotional connections in the community. Your friends, your co-workers, and family members you do not reside with and do not have a deep connection with (e.g. a sibling in another city that you speak to a few times a year). The loss of a primary relationship will in every normal case result in severe and prolonged grief, often over a number of years. In comparison, the loss of a secondary relationship will produce grief, but not always to the same intensity as a primary relationship.
Secondary relationships also do not necessarily have to be with a single individual, but can be with a group as a whole. You can have a secondary relationship to your job, your friend group, or even your sports team. As such, losing or leaving your job or friend group can produce grief, even if the individuals that compose those groups have not been lost themselves. It is also more likely that the loss of a secondary group will produce grief over the loss of of an individual of that group.
While grief from the loss of a primary relationship cannot be lessened through replacement (you cannot simply replace one child with another), the same is not true for many secondary relationships. It is possible to lessen or even eliminate the grief from losing access to a friend group by replacing it with another friend group. Likewise, the loss of a specific friend or colleague can likely be offset by replacement with a new friend or colleague.
So why is this important? Well by separating these two groups we can look beyond treating the symptoms of grief and focus on the actual healing. The healing from the loss of a wife or beloved father is going to be different to the healing from the loss of a colleague or group, even if the symptoms of grief in both cases happen to be the exact same.